The Moronist

The Van Gundy Brothers Hanging at Home

The Moronist — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:07:08 +0000

Thanks to my friends Burt Calton and Lenry Vowenfels at GSF for the allowing me to voice one of the morons. For those of you that don’t know NBA basketball, the Van Gundy Brothers are two somewhat misanthropic coaches (in Jeff’s case former coach turned commentator). Here’s the link to our buddies at Global Sports Fraternity Hope you enjoy the clip, Love, Moron.

Eliot Spitzer and his Gremlins

The Moronist — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 02:47:47 +0000

Eliot Spitzer was recently on The Today Show, where he was interviewed by Matt Lauer. During said interview Spitzer said “I have tried to address these gremlins and confront them. What I did was an egregious violation of trust to my family, to colleagues, to the state, and I paid a price and appropriately so.” Here’s an exclusive post-interview speech that The Moronist payed $30,000 for. Hope you enjoy:

Study Finds Great Depression To Be Hereditary

The Moronist — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:42:35 +0000

NYT - April 1st, 2009 - Milwaukee, Mississippi. by Gunt Robertson. It turns out the Great Depression began when Milt Downowitz started acting all negative back in 1924. He stopped working years before the economy took a turn for the worse, and a chief economist at the Carolina Administrative Savings Hub or C.A.S.H. agreed: “There is no question in my mind: the existence of Milt Downowitz caused the Great Depression.” Not only that, a researcher at C.A.S.H. found that Milt’s great-grandson Malt Downowitz may have single-handedly burst the dot-com bubble. Malt broke up with his High School sweetheart in late 2000. He is also most likely responsible for the current global recession, due to his post-graduate meltdown in 2008 when he sadly realized he wasn’t good for much except for playing Rock Band.
Rumors of the Downowitz family curse caught the attention of Historians at the Oxford school of Historianization. They found traces of the Downowitz’s lineage to the Crisis of the Third Century (an early hint of the Roman Empire’s imminent collapse). Said historian Mark Gorvil, “We found a family living in Rome at the time, and they were all pretty sad, I believe the master of the household was named Meurto Downomini.”

Bravo to Relocate “Real Housewives”

The Moronist — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:47:40 +0000

NYT - March 25, 2009, Trenton, New Jersey. In these tough economic times, finally a slice of good news for fans of Bravo’s “Real Housewives” Series, made popular by its New York and Orange County editions. The show will go on, relocating the women from The Real Housewives of NYC to a new location, sunny-ish Trenton, New Jersey. Said Bravo executive Barry Uselessworth, “we’re ecstatic to have the show continue… even though the ladies have lost about 86% of their wealth and have had to downsize to basement rental apartments. The show is due to shoot in the safety of daylight, and follow the HWs while they’re going about their daily planning: shopping at Costco, being bitchy to each other while ordering half Grand Slams at Denny’s, and starting self pity charities so that they may keep their precious land rovers and diet coke fetishes rolling. The show is due to air Wednesdays in May, followed by another economically adjusted series, “Upper-Middle Chef, Secaucus.”

Good News for Morons

The Moronist — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 08:03:39 +0000

Especially those morons who like movies, and even more especially for Zach Galifianakis fans. A friend of a friend’s friend named BURT LOWENBRELLS produced this film and I think it’s fantastic… apparently they got a distribution deal which means, DVD soon!!!ish?

Anyway for now, just watch the trailer HERE, and enjoy. Or if you’re a websites pre-trailers type person, go HERE. If your name rhymes with KattMoff or KoyRoshy, you probably already know about this film.

-TM

Michelle Obama Makes Yet Another Fashion No-No

The Moronist — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:33:04 +0000

Michelle Obama Attends St. Paddy’s Eve Ball In Sleeves-Only Dress

NY POST Washington D.C.- 3/16/09 11:53pm.
In a response to critics of her sleevelessness, Michelle Obama elected to wear a very interesting gown by unknown designer Bariio Farthinggalia. Said Farthinggalia, “Michelle chose to go sleeves-only ’cause she really wants to please the public and follow their advice.” This is a huge break for Farthinggalia, who was a production assistant on the last season of Project Runway Italy. Unfortunately for Barack fans, Page Six reports he wore a whole Brioni tuxedo.

NYC SUBWAYS VS. BOSTON TRANSIT

The Moronist — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:22:28 +0000

Just for the doubters… the NY MTA, does have a schedule, they just don’t live up to it… click link for schedule

What has Lady Macbeth so upset?

The Moronist — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 18:04:11 +0000

Mor on Daylight Savings (can’t believe this is real)

The Moronist — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 05:36:14 +0000

I found this on Failblog… but i just had to share it! - Love, Moron

Mr. Economy and the Savings Time Continuum

The Moronist — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:50:10 +0000

Please comment if you like.