The Moronist

Thanks to my friends Burt Calton and Lenry Vowenfels at GSF for the allowing me to voice one of the morons. For those of you that don’t know NBA basketball, the Van Gundy Brothers are two somewhat misanthropic coaches (in Jeff’s case former coach turned commentator). Here’s the link to our buddies at Global Sports Fraternity Hope you enjoy the clip, Love, Moron.

Eliot Spitzer was recently on The Today Show, where he was interviewed by Matt Lauer. During said interview Spitzer said “I have tried to address these gremlins and confront them. What I did was an egregious violation of trust to my family, to colleagues, to the state, and I paid a price and appropriately so.” Here’s an exclusive post-interview speech that The Moronist payed $30,000 for. Hope you enjoy:

NYT – April 1st, 2009 – Milwaukee, Mississippi. by Gunt Robertson. It turns out the Great Depression began when Milt Downowitz started acting all negative back in 1924. He stopped working years before the economy took a turn for the worse, and a chief economist at the Carolina Administrative Savings Hub or C.A.S.H. agreed: “There is no question in my mind: the existence of Milt Downowitz caused the Great Depression.” Not only that, a researcher at C.A.S.H. found that Milt’s great-grandson Malt Downowitz may have single-handedly burst the dot-com bubble. Malt broke up with his High School sweetheart in late 2000. He is also most likely responsible for the current global recession, due to his post-graduate meltdown in 2008 when he sadly realized he wasn’t good for much except for playing Rock Band.
Rumors of the Downowitz family curse caught the attention of Historians at the Oxford school of Historianization. They found traces of the Downowitz’s lineage to the Crisis of the Third Century (an early hint of the Roman Empire’s imminent collapse). Said historian Mark Gorvil, “We found a family living in Rome at the time, and they were all pretty sad, I believe the master of the household was named Meurto Downomini.”