The Moronist

NYT – April 1st, 2009 – Milwaukee, Mississippi. by Gunt Robertson. It turns out the Great Depression began when Milt Downowitz started acting all negative back in 1924. He stopped working years before the economy took a turn for the worse, and a chief economist at the Carolina Administrative Savings Hub or C.A.S.H. agreed: “There is no question in my mind: the existence of Milt Downowitz caused the Great Depression.” Not only that, a researcher at C.A.S.H. found that Milt’s great-grandson Malt Downowitz may have single-handedly burst the dot-com bubble. Malt broke up with his High School sweetheart in late 2000. He is also most likely responsible for the current global recession, due to his post-graduate meltdown in 2008 when he sadly realized he wasn’t good for much except for playing Rock Band.
Rumors of the Downowitz family curse caught the attention of Historians at the Oxford school of Historianization. They found traces of the Downowitz’s lineage to the Crisis of the Third Century (an early hint of the Roman Empire’s imminent collapse). Said historian Mark Gorvil, “We found a family living in Rome at the time, and they were all pretty sad, I believe the master of the household was named Meurto Downomini.”

Please comment if you like.

I’m new to this whole blog thing, but I’m not new to this whole internet thing… and I’m used to going to pages, and having them give me information, new information, every 3-8 hours.

So when I came to TheMoronist.com tonight and discovered that nothing had changed… I remembered a classic line from Titanic, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Now I must fill said void with love and affection. Or maybe just another random cartoon:

For those who can’t read moronic handwriting… Wife: Honey! Did you shit the bed?
Mr. Ecomony: … .

fin

I just put 5 and 5 together and realized, President Obama gets to work from home. That’s just crazy, doesn’t even have to get dressed if he doesn’t want to, he can just waltz right over to the west side of that big old house and get on Myspace and Wikipedia just like the rest of us… Crazy.

available at www.ojamas.us