The Moronist

Trojan Condoms… Why are they named after a people predominantly known for having some of the worst defenses in history? These folks let a massive object enter their gates only to be obliterated by its contents.

More  ideas:

– Don’t hate la Playa, hate the litter!

– Woman says Beetlejuice 3 times and just gets punched in the face.

– Man says racist joke around friends and realizes not everyone is a horrible person like he is.

– Twitter-er tries to shorten the word “a” and implodes.

– 24-year-old man shot in neck with actual blowdart at improv comedy show.

– And Finally… Chelsea Clinton thinks hospital is named after her, when really it’s just named after the two neighborhoods it services.

Thank you young man for making me feel like middle school, high school, college, and even thinking about grad school was all a waste, once a maroon always a maroon.

This Kid from Singapore, made his own painting application for the iPhone, and it’s actually decent!

I know I’m a week late on this news, but I’m on moron time… see more-on that below.

By the way, another example of moron time would be this. I just found out that a lady spilled McDonald’s coffee on her crotch in 1992. Her name was Stella Liebeck and did you know she was 79 years old when this happened? Also of note, she was wearing cotton sweatpants, which begs the question for her and Plaxico Burress… “Why not just avoid the sweatpants when handling hot or gunny substances.”

I’m new to this whole blog thing, but I’m not new to this whole internet thing… and I’m used to going to pages, and having them give me information, new information, every 3-8 hours.

So when I came to TheMoronist.com tonight and discovered that nothing had changed… I remembered a classic line from Titanic, “With great power comes great responsibility.” Now I must fill said void with love and affection. Or maybe just another random cartoon:

For those who can’t read moronic handwriting… Wife: Honey! Did you shit the bed?
Mr. Ecomony: … .

fin

Make another blog entry today. You had something amazing and pressing to write. Maybe discuss the vintage-ity of Facebook and how cool you feel being a non-Twittering luddite.

I just put 5 and 5 together and realized, President Obama gets to work from home. That’s just crazy, doesn’t even have to get dressed if he doesn’t want to, he can just waltz right over to the west side of that big old house and get on Myspace and Wikipedia just like the rest of us… Crazy.

available at www.ojamas.us

Dear Fellow Morons,

What the duck are we doing with our lives?  I meant that more as a statement than a question, but I regress.  And by regress I mean digest.  Oh btw, check out this random link that I’ll pick after I’ve written this sentence.

not actually interesting

Until next time, keep yourselves more honest.

Lav,

The Moronist

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Hey Morasses,

I couldn’t help but write a whole nother (term we all love, eh?), petit novella before I hit the hay… So here goes, if a snake swallows an egg in the forest alone, does anybody hear?

Day 3, and by that I mean the same hour as my first three posts:

Carbon monoxide: the silent killer? Maybe. Or was that a stroke? Or is it that mime who got put away for killing 34 people last week?

From,
Mron

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Dear A-Rod,

Welcome to the site!!!

Love,
The moronist

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America runs on Dunkin? More like America runs on oil and the blood of innocent people, am I right I mean am I? No but seriously folks, we do we use a lot of oil don’t we?

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Dear PSH (as in Philip Seymour Hoffman),

Nothing bad to say about you!

Love,

M

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Funny possible marriage names:

Hakeem Olajuwon and Steven Hawking:
Steven Olajuwon

Bill Bryson and Ted Kaczynski:
Bill and Ted Brsyky

Mozart and Jackson Pollack:
Genius

Bjork and Ray Borque:
Bjork Borque

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Dear Perez Hilton,

I called. I want your viewers.

The moronist

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Dear Diarrhea,

Stop visiting.

Love,

Mor

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Dear Deer,

Sorry I hit you.

TM

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Dear dentist who made a joke about me being dropped on my head when I was a kid… Not funny. I hate you.

Love,

Me

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Dear New York building owners,

Stop raising your rent for good small businesses and opening up banks. I don’t have a punchline for this and I’m not a comedian, I’m a moron like everyone else, but even I know we need cheap food more than banks at a time like this.

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Dear Couples That Break Up,

Don’t make your friends choose sides, if we liked you both while you were dating, accept that as the only thing that was ever real in your relationship and move on.

Love,

Moro

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And now for a moment of thought,

Moron flipped is norom.

Coincidence? I think so.